He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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