I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
