So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize