I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
