I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize