dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize