Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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