you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
