she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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