Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
