Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
