We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize