Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
