I'm jealous of your bromance
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize