I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
