and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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