dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
