Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
