i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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