Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
