I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
