butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
