I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
