Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
