So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You smell like stripper and shame
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
