No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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