i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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