Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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