I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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