i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
