Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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