He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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