if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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