my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
its liver damage thursday
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
