I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
