I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
