He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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