Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
