Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
