I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
