Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
