she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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