i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
