we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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