I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
