OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
