I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
