Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
