i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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