i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
