I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
