Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
