I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
