OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
