Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They took my balls.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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