Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
