So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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