Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
