I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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