i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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