Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
