What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
