Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
