he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize