If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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