just come out here and I will go home with you...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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