we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
