You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize