Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
