When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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