don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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