Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
