ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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