tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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