We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
