Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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