you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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