It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
