she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did i walk over a car last night?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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