Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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