so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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