honey bunches of taint.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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