The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
