why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
