Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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