Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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